The vast majority of my brief life has been spent with people significantly smarter and more experienced than me. The obvious example is the business world where I interact with people twice my age (twice as wise, twice as experienced) several times a day. The effect of such immersion is awesome: I’ve been on personal growth steroids for the past seven years.
But even in non-business activities I have been surrounded by more talented people. My AAU basketball teammates from a few years ago are now playing on national television for Bobby Knight’s Texas Tech team or for Ben Braun’s Cal team. The staff at the high school newspaper which I edited were all rockstars. The college matriculation of the other editors gives some sense: Duke, Stanford, Harvard, Washington University, Brown, and Swarthmore College.
So I have devoted a significant amount of energy trying to answer this question: How do you add value in a conversation or in a team when the other person(s) is more experienced and more expert at the task or topic at hand?
Here’s one approach. Say you’re meeting with a CEO who really knows his stuff about early stage technology business. If you’re just a novice at that topic, you could spend the whole time talking about what you know but the CEO might not — say, religion. The upside here is you offer a refreshing change of pace to the CEO and you get to show off your intellect, however narrow. The downside to this approach is you miss out on the opportunity to pick the brain of the expert CEO on what he knows best.
Another, better approach, one I brainstormed with Stan James (CTO, Lijit) last night while gorging on sushi at Hapa, is to directly confront the topic area of the expert. Sure, she may know 100x more than you on the subject, but you can still add value. First, ask her to explain it to you. Believe it or not, people like feeling expert and when you explain something you teach yourself at the same time. Second, re-interpret what she tells you in your own words. Use your own metaphors to illustrate the point. This will prove helpful to the expert since we’re always looking for new ways to explain old ideas.
On the basketball court, I tried to maximize the teamwork of the group and the individual potential of each player. With the newspaper, I tried to facilitate everyone’s intelligence and idea generation. And in business meetings, I’d like to think that I’m now at a place where the value exchange is absolutely bi-directional in most of my meetings with scary smart people — even when I confront the other person’s topic of expertise — by asking dumb questions and re-interpreting.
How do you think about this issue?
I really like this.
I have a good friend who does something similar to this. He has no cross over in my area of knowledge, but he shows interests and asks me to explain what I do in the way you discuss.
It’s really nice.
Excellent points.
I am tempted to add – make a quick mental calculation about who has most to offer and proportionately allocate available time ( between learning from her and offering that refreshing novelty to her ) in that ratio.
That way you benefit both ways – you learn from her and succeed in creating an incredible first impression as well.
Forget about adding value, if you feel you have none.
Instead add humor.
When all else fails…make someone laugh, preferably at your expense.
Be self-deprecating. It works.
Peace, Maxine
I’ve found simply stating I’m lost is helpful. You’re right about experts liking to explain themselves as clearly as possible. But I think it also goes deeper.
I’ve found CEO’s are passionate about their business and light up when they see they can actually explain to someone who knows nothing about it, because anyone can. It’s just that most people are reticent to just say I’m lost, which I understand and have even done in the past but it doesn’t help me.
Interestingly, I’ve found just a handful of CEO’s who aren’t open to this and usually it’s because they have some type of fear working on them.
Great post.
I favor your approach as well – directly confronting the topic area of the expert – in situations when there is not much time to get to know the person better. It works very well for me when I’d like to gain quick insight into how they’ve accomplished what they have. And I find that admitting I know little about the topic area gives the other person pleasure when explaining it.
However, if I want to become friends with this person, I probably won’t mention the topic area at all. In my experience, I’ve found that asking many questions at the outset about their area of expertise almost guarantees that they won’t want to deepen the relationship. Yes, the brief exchange of value may seem worth it, but they probably won’t become good friends with me down the line.
I deal on a day-to-day basis with extremely creative people in the film industry. As any CEO or entrepreneur, they have a perceived value in society. What I’ve found is they will eventually shun those who bring up that value from the first interaction, if they feel they’re doing it from a place of want.
And, of course, the worst are those who believe they don’t need to offer anything at all. My friend has a name for these people: “value-takers,” people who are just sucking value and don’t offer anything back. The entire basis of their relationships is to just get some of that perceived value, to get a piece of the other person’s energy without refueling it with their own unique offering. Even if you think you have nothing to offer the expert, I believe that one can give value by their presence alone.
It’s funny, but the people that have become my friends are the ones with whom at first I didn’t bring up their perceived value in society. I’m friends right now with a well-known actor, and he said that what he liked about me was that when I first met him, I didn’t mention the fact that he was this great actor or a master of his craft. I didn’t even acknowledge it at all. I just treated him like a human being. But I also had more time to do so, because I got to work with him for an extended period in a film shoot, which is very different from the busy pulse of brief business meetings.
But then, don’t you miss out on the opportunity to pick their brains? Well, not if you’re friends with them. I realize I do this with many people who become my friends. I approach them for human interaction. They usually want to be friends with me after that because I don’t bring up the topics that a fan would. If we become friends and continue our conversations down the line, I find that THEY offer to give me advice without me even asking. It comes out naturally. The advantage of this is that the quality of advice they offer me then is much better than the one they would have dished out if I had hastily inquired about it at the beginning. This is counter-intuitive, but it works.
Of course, if you use this to be manipulative or think of it as a technique, then people will see right through it. I come from a place where I genuinely want to become friends with them, outside of what they can immediately offer me, because I know I have something to offer as well – even if it’s just my presence. And this only makes any exchange of value even more meaningful.
Hey Ben, thanks for the sushi and great conversation! 🙂
Wow. I’ve long wondered about this very same topic; I’m a total information-vampire, you see, and I can’t just ask people who know about a subject I don’t to immediately transfer all of that knowledge from their head to mine. Sure, I’ve tried, but some people take that… badly.
One of my aspirations is to interview the best and the brighest — if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em — so these tips actually help a great deal.
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