Blow-by-Blow of Airline Hell

On Thursday I attempted to fly from Kearney, Nebraska, where I gave a speech, to Ontario, California, which is 15 minutes away from Claremont. Here’s the blow by blow. I will be posting more analysis and links, etc. on my main blog.

Thursday, April 10, 2008:

5:00 AM (central): I give up on trying to sleep in the hotel, do email for a bit, take a shower, and go to the lobby of my hotel to wait for my ride.

6:00 AM : Picked up and driven to Kearney, NE airport which has only one gate and flies only to Denver. Kearney is serviced by Great Lakes Airlines which flies from a bunch of small towns in Colorado, Nebraska, Wyoming, North and South Dakota, and elsewhere, in and out of Denver. Since Denver is a United and Frontier hub, you can get from a small town to almost anywhere in the country with a stop in Denver.

6:45 AM: I check in, get my ticket, and go through TSA security at the Kearney airport. The airport has no food service (just vending machines) and after the security screening, there are not even vending machines. So if you guzzle water like I do, you’re screwed after going through security since you have to throw out water before screening.

7:00 AM: Our small plane is supposed to depart. The gate agent walks over and says that due to bad weather in Denver, we wouldn’t be able to land, so we’re not taking off. What he doesn’t say is that planes are, in fact, going in and out of DEN, but small aircraft with less-sophisticated instruments require better weather conditions to land safely. He gives no estimated time for departure. The locals next to me say that if we don’t take off soon, we might never take off because snow is in the forecast starting mid-day.

7:30 AM: My parched throat can take it no longer, I leave the security area to buy a bottle of water. This means I will have to be re-screened before takeoff. I linger in the lobby.

8:30 AM: At this point half of the people on the flight to DEN are likely to miss our connecting flights. The gate agent starts re-booking us on later flights out of Denver. We still have no idea when we’re departing Kearney, if at all. I haven’t eaten anything substantial all morning. Hunger begins to play a role. I am also almost done with the book I brought, which means my reading material has become perilously thin.

9:07AM: They announce conditions in DEN have improved, we’re going to take off. But first they have to fuel the plane. It’s stunning that in all this time they haven’t even fueled the airplane.

9:30 AM: We depart Kearney, NE bound for Denver airport.

9:30 AM (mountain time): We make our approach to DEN, but have to stop our descent due to sudden worsening of conditions. We start circling the airport.

10:30 AM: After an hour of circling the airport, the pilot informs us we’ll have to land in nearby Pueblo, CO, where the conditions are better and where we can re-fuel.

10:45 AM: We land in Pueblo, CO. We idle on the runway as we re-fuel. We are not allowed to leave the plane due to “security” reasons. We wait for word on better landing conditions in DEN.

11:20 AM: They finally let us off the airplane as conditions in DEN don’t seem to be improving. The Pueblo airport also has just one gate and just one commercial flight a day. Thankfully, there is a small restaurant there, and most of us swarm the place to get some food.

11:45 AM: I call United Airlines to re-book my flight from DEN to ONT (originally scheduled for around 9 AM, then moved to 12:15) to 2:30 PM.

12 noon: They tell us conditions in DEN have improved, so we all go through Pueblo security screening again. The TSA reps put every other person through “additional screening,” probably just to keep them busy. Passengers start getting pissed. I understand there are rules and regs, but it’s amazing how fervently the TSA workers enforce it. The flight attendant tells us that the airport can’t service the airplane lavatory so the lavatory on the plane is basically out of bathroom service and we should use the toilet in the airport (of course there isn’t one after the TSA check-in).

12:30 PM: We wait in the post-TSA lobby area, again, where no bathrooms or food service or water is offered. Another re-routed Great Lakes flight board their plane first. After their plane is loaded, they sit idly for 20 minutes. We watch them in the lobby wondering why they haven’t left and why we’re still sitting. I do two sets of 20 push-ups.

1:00 PM: The plane on the runway unloads. The passengers on that flight are livid for having boarded, then de-planned, and then forced to go back into the main lobby area pre-TSA screening, which means if they board again they’ll have to do MORE screening.

We wait for at least an hour in the post-TSA lobby area.

2:00 PM: Finally a rep comes out and says that high winds in Pueblo mean no planes can take off. It’s not Denver weather, it’s Pueblo weather. By this point, most of us are starting to give up on air travel. I raise the idea of renting a car and just driving to Denver (2 hr 45 min drive). SInce I’m too young to rent, I needed to rent with someone else. A woman sitting across from me in the terminal craftily gets up and sneaks off to the car rental counter.

Another man follows her. I follow him. The Hertz guy (only one rental car company at the airport) says to the lady first in line: “You’re lucky. You got our last car.” The guy in front of me – John – looks horrified. He asks the agent again. No more cars. We both walk off. I come back to the counter five minutes later and press him. He says, well, maybe we’ll have this Mazda car that just got returned, but it’s not clean. John and I commit to getting the car.

2:30 PM: We finish the paper work and are ready to depart by car to DEN. Only problem: our luggage is on the plane. They didn’t let us take it off the plane when we originally de-boarded. A big debate ensues about whether they can take our luggage off. First the attendants spend 20 minutes writing down the physical description of our luggage to pick it out in the luggage compartment — not everyone was driving, some were going to stick it out.

I express genuine surprise at those sticking it out. Apparently, a new airplane was going to fly into Pueblo at 5:20 and they were going to distribute all the passengers across the three planes such that each would be light enough to take off from the shorter runway which was more protected from the wind….or some such bullshit. After all we’d been through, why would you try to rely on these piece of shit airplanes?

3:00 PM: I start speaking sternly to the luggage guy, telling him to do something and not just stand around looking tired. There’s nothing more infuriating than people standing around not trying to solve the identified problem. We finally get our luggage.

3:15 PM: Three other guys and me take off in a rental car and race toward Denver airport. From Colorado Springs onward we hit snow and gusts. Crucially, during this ride, I call United and move my flight to the 6:00 PM. There were only a couple seats left. They try to charge me $50 to change my flight, I protest, they cede.

5:20 PM: I get dropped off at DEN, with 40 mins to check in, go through security, get to gate. It’s a packed flight.

I make it. My flight takes off late and I get back to Ontario around 9:00 PM pacific. About 12 hours late.

Court Reporter Tackles Razor-Wielding Defendent

I’m working on some interesting posts, but since it’s Saturday (and unbelievably beautiful here in Southern Cal) I wanted to share a quick, amusing story courtesy of Slate. Courage in action: don’t mess with stenographers.

The "legal tabloid" abovethelaw.com named Ron Tolkin "Court Reporter of the Day" last month after the 61-year-old Brooklyn stenographer was called upon to wrestle a rampaging criminal to the ground in open court. Tolkin jumped on defendant Victor Wright after the convicted drug felon started choking federal prosecutor Carolyn Pokorny, head of the Eastern District of New York narcotics division. The crazed Wright also tried, unsuccessfully, to slash Pokorny with a razor (see Page 6), but the weapon fell to the floor amid the tumult. As Tolkin subdued the assailant, with help from the defendant’s lawyer and two U.S. marshals, his tape recorder picked up the scuffle. Several days later, the conscientious court reporter produced a certified (Page 7) transcript of the unusual proceedings. Excerpts appear below and on the following six pages.

"I told him, ‘You want to try something, try it on me,’ " Tolkin explained to the New York Times. "Only I wasn’t that polite." Let the record show that Tolkin’s precise words, as quoted in the transcript, were: "Try it on me, man, I’ll kick you in the fuckin’ balls" (Page 3). Tolkin is also quoted in the transcript saying, "You cocksucker, get off of her. Get off of her. Get off of her. You cocksucker, get off of her" (Page 3) and, "Fuckin’ shit. Son-of-a-bitch" (Page 4). Tolkin offered the court an unnecessary but gentlemanly apology for the harsh language in his transcript, much of it his own. The trial was subsequently postponed.

Why Americans Aren’t That Good at Ping Pong

In this Wall Street Journal article on how Chinese immigrants dominate the U.S. national ping-pong team (and not just the U.S.), there’s this interesting graf:

Homes in Canada and the U.S. are often large enough for a ping-pong table in the basement or garage, which means children here are exposed to table tennis informally. In Europe and Asia, home to the best players competing in lucrative professional leagues, generally smaller living spaces mean children must play at a sports club, where there are organized teams and training.

Makes sense — all my American friends and I grew up playing ping-pong in the backyard or in the attic or at summer camp. This type of casual play probably screws up your form at an early age.

For those new to this blog, I love ping pong. Related links:

Another Honest Blog Post About Failure

Super successful entrepreneur Paul Berberian just wrote a blog post about how he’s closing up shop on his latest venture — Zenie Bottle. To those of us who’ve been following Zenie Bottle it seems like just a week ago the company launched. Paul acknowledges how brief the ride has been. And he echoes something I’ve written about which is when you realize you’ve made a mistake, act immediately to correct it. Paul and his partner realized the company had some fundamental problems and they were going to run out of cash. They moved right away:

So yes, we barely got going but after two miles into the 1000 mile trip, we lost the road.

Once we made the decision, we took immediate action. When I say immediate I mean within the next ten minutes. Steve and I walked out of the conference room and immediately sat down with the employees and walked them through the decision process. We then took stock of what we had. Great people, some cash, physical infrastructure, office space, a cool web site for sharing photos, 22,642 bottles and a fun story element that never launched. One way to wind down (not the preferable) is to simply run out of cash, liquidate whatever assets are remaining, let go of all the people and tell the investors that it didn’t work. That didn’t feel very minty-fresh to us. We determined that we had to find a deal for each of the various elements of the business if we were going to preserve any hope of returning some money to our investors.

Wouldn’t it be great if every entrepreneur whose idea didn’t go according to plan wrote postmortems like this?

Paul Berberian is responsible for some of my fondest memories in Colorado. We went to the US Air Force Academy together. And one sunny day last March I sent Paul a one line email saying, "It’s quite a nice day out" and three hours later we were in his small airplane from Boulder to Cheyenne, and for a brief moment I was the sole pilot!

Thanks for sharing your experience, Paul. Onto the next idea!

Marketplace: Who’s Benefiting From National Service?

A few weeks ago, 30 congressmen published a letter protesting budget cuts to programs like AmeriCorps.
My latest commentary on public radio’s Marketplace aired yesterday and it’s about who benefits from national service programs.

You can listen to my commentary here or read the text, written for radio, below. 350 words is not enough to fully explore this interesting topic, so this is meant just to start a conversation, not finish it.

Thanks to Arnold Kling and David Boaz for offering feedback on an early draft.

Listen carefully to those who hail the benefits of national service programs. "It’ll improve civic engagement, build national unity, instill duty and honor in America’s youth." Isn’t it strange how the conversation is always about the benefits to us?

A few years ago, a Washington University report noted that nobody has really studied how broad service programs affect those actually being served. It suggests that in some cases the local communities in which we are volunteering may be hurt more than helped. How so?

Say an Uncle Sam-sponsored American comes along and offers to rebuild a dilapidated home in a poor area for free. What rational homeowner would say no? The community’s happy, and the subsidized volunteer feels good about himself, but what about the local builder who was charging market rate for the service? Sorry, he’s out of a job. Temporary streams of volunteers can disrupt local labor markets over the long haul. One study of AmeriCorps, for example, suggests the positive impact may be only short-term.

Now national service is just a sliver of the total volunteer pie. Americans volunteered over three billion hours last year. The vast majority of these people did so without an order from the government. They worked with private non-profits. Since they choose to volunteer for a specific local cause, these people are better able to create a long-term positive impact on the folks they serve.

Nevertheless, John McCain and others want to nationalize volunteerism. There’s an effort underway to pump up the social pressure. Advocates want to offer various financial incentives for kids to serve "voluntarily" for the United States. McCain talks about increased "patriotism" and "serving one’s country." So wait. Is McCain’s plan a nationalistic morale building exercise? Are the benefits intended to flow primarily toward the servers or the served?

Now what’s the point of an expensive government program that doesn’t quite know whom it’s trying to help? Let’s stick with local, community-organized service programs, and make sure those in need come first, and those who offer the services are contributing of their own volition.