My close friend Andy started as a freshman at Vassar College and has had some great posts on his blog. He just posted a hilarious Top 10 list for "How to hit on girls in co-ed bathrooms." Andy, how sophisticated you’ve become since entering the elite ranks of American higher ed, big man.
10) Shave at least three times a day. Make sure that you are wearing minimal clothing while doing it. Remember to create serious tension on your pectoral muscles so that they look as defined as possible.
5) Sometimes, DON’T flush the toilet. Then, hang around the sinks, pretending to brush your teeth or even flossing if you feel like being really naughty. When the hot babe you wanna get with walks over and squeals audibly, that’s when you make your move. Strut over to "see what the commotion was," express your outrage, and then be the champion stud that flushes the toilet for the fine doll. If you can somehow flex your biceps while doing this, that’s mad respect and an obvious turn-on. If she still isn’t feeling you up by this point, you can mention that you’re going to "kick that fucker’s ass real good," and show him, "how to treat a lady." You gotta be careful with this one, but when you pull it off, it’s pretty pure.
4) Explain to her that there is a water shortage some South Asian country (it doesn’t matter which one; feel free to be creative. Bonus points if it doesn’t actually exist). Describe the conditions: infants dying of dehydration at a horribly innocent age, families not having enough water to wash their clothes, young children reaching for mugs that they think are full of water only to put it up to their lips and realize that there is nothing there. If you’re particularly brave, act out each of these scenarios, and on the last one, make sure that you look tormented and confused upon realizing that your imaginary glass of water is empty. She should be crying by now if you have any semblance of skill. Swoop in, console, and admit that there is very little that "we" can do about it, but there is one simple way to save water that could one day be used in that country: sharing showers. Then grab your towel and suggestively look at the nearest shower. If you’ve made it this far, you’re in.
5 comments on “10 Ways to Hit on Girls in a Co-Ed Bathroom”
both you and andy are huge huge fools.
The upside of co-ed bathrooms–lots of hot women in towels.
The downside–just rent Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, and you’ll know what I mean.
Chris, I am just going to tell everyone that the downside of coed bathroom is british girls playing BATTLE SHIT!!!
My freshman year, we had far more girls than guys on our floor and two bathrooms. A nice compromise was made: One bathroom was made co-ed, but only for showering. Otherwise, it was considered the men’s bathroom. Best thing ever. All upside, no downside.
All upside? What are you talking about? That would eliminates so many oppurtunities to hit on girls in a unique setting where they will never expect it. I don’t understand.