David Brooks is my hero for being both a force of intelligence and humor, a rarefied combination that can take anyone anywhere. (And as such I’ve lost the ability to critically analyze anything he says since I take it all as pure gospel.) With that disclosure, he speaks to me in his column today.
Leaked documents reveal Dick Cheney’s suite demands are telling — the TV must be tuned to Fox News in every one of his hotel rooms. John Kerry doesn’t like celery and his Cobb salads must have ranch dressing. Brooks:
In the first place it’s interesting to watch politicians and their staffs try to come up with lists of items intended to produce sensual pleasure. People who go into politics tend to be the sort of hyperambitious workaholics who have repressed the Dionysian side of their natures in order to become high school tools, college applicant all-stars and twenty-something mentor magnets, in pursuit of their dreams of someday becoming deputy under secretary of commerce. Then they flock to Washington, a city with an erogenous zone the size of a pea. These are not people with highly developed hedonism skills.
What they come up with, as they contemplate pleasure, is a sort of dweeb decadence. Sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll are beyond them. Their fantasies run in the direction of really well-selected energy bars. Their memos call for an orgy of decaf, a Mardi Gras of bottled water, a Caligulan binge of chamomile tea. It’s like watching the Taliban production of "Entourage."
Well, I can’t say I aspire to be the deputy under secretary of commerce, but I do certainly obsess about my energy bars and have essentially zero hedonism skills. I should hire Cheney’s staffers and get some tips on how to find true pleasure in life.
Boy, you are really asking for it this time. Be careful, or you’ll be Valleywagged again.
Most of the suggestions I could make in this regard would be NSFW (recall my earlier advice about girls who want to “break you out of your shell”?).
The best advice I can give is to seek the pleasures that come naturally. Maybe it’s not drugs or rock and roll. Maybe it’s the simple joy of a Double-double, animal style. Or the smell of a special girl’s perfume.
Sensual sans sexual
1) Get a facial (men do it too now…it’s worth it). Specifically, get the algea compress. Your senses will thank you.
2) Eat dark chocolate often. Allow it to melt in your mouth and savor the rich earthy flavor.
3) Spend a few minutes in the heat of direct sunlight and have one of those mister bottles by your side. When you heat up to the point where you can barely stand it, close your eyes and spray the mist into the air and just soak in the cool tingles as they land on your skin.
4) Start getting your haircuts at places where they throw in a scalp massage.
5) Traipse barefoot over freshly shorn grass.
6) Then lie down in the middle of said grass and just run your fingers over it.