Obvious and Non-Obvious Reasons For and Against Casual Sex

1. Obvious reason to have casual sex: Feels good, instant gratification, etc.

2. Non-obvious reason to: The boost in self-confidence that comes from knowing that another person was attracted to you physically. Casual sex is about physicality. People need validation that they are beautiful. People who think they are beautiful are more self-confident in life. Self-confidence is good.

3. Obvious reason not to have casual sex: STDs.

4. Non-obvious reason not to: You usually feel lonelier afterwards.

I believe #2 is the most original of the four.

18 Responses to Obvious and Non-Obvious Reasons For and Against Casual Sex

  1. Non-obvious reason not to: It can give a budding relationship the feeling of having peaked too early. (I count sex with someone in the early stages of dating as casual.)

    Non-obvious reason not to: It can give the illusion of intimacy to a relationship that is really quite casual.

    Non-obvious reason not to: If your partner is bad or has a strange fetish or shocking physical feature(s), it can ruin your perception of someone with whom you have an enjoyable friendship.

    Obvious reason to: Because you can.

  2. rep agent says:

    Why does 2, require the actual act of sex. If I know I can already do it without doubt, my confidence is boosted. This is much like a grandmaster who resigns a chess match well before checkmate because the situation is clear.

  3. Haha I love you, Ben.

  4. Krishna says:

    Ben stirred and Jackey frothed it up.

    Well done, both. Jackey, you’re brilliant. keep it coming…!!!

  5. 8020 says:

    I think #2 is far more important than #1 for most people – they just won’t admit it.

  6. Ross Parker says:

    I think #2 is obvious for me. Furthermore, I think that this explains why (prior to my current, happy, now-married relationship) I had casual sex but never visited prostitutes. I value #2 highly, and I don’t think you’d get this as a paying customer.

  7. Ross Parker says:

    Just realised that my comment above implies that there should be a burgeoning market for sex workers who will only sleep with beautiful people.

    Or perhaps I am unravelling the mystery of footballers’ wives?

  8. Ben Casnocha says:

    Easier to self-delude about probability unless it actually happens, and most are self-aware of the self-delusion….

  9. Vimal Vora says:

    Does it go without saying that the decision is between two people who are not interested in each other as long term mates? Having casual sex with someone you’re actually interested in is obviously a bad signal. Perhaps less obvious, do people believe in the time tested, evolution approved strategy of women making men wait to screen for cheaters?

  10. Ben Casnocha says:

    Vimal, having casual sex with someone you're actually interested in does not
    send a bad signal in terms of your long term interest, IMHO.

  11. Harriet May says:

    I think sometimes sex should be thought of just as sex, and not overcomplicated. What is the opposite of casual sex anyway? Serious sex? Deliberate sex? Premeditated sex? While romantic love is fulfilling and desirable, it doesn’t have to exist in juxtaposition with a good romp. I mean, I can have casual sex with my boyfriend in the same sense I can wear casual clothes on a Wednesday. And if you’re worried about loneliness, get a puppy, right?

  12. DaveJ says:

    I’m confused, is casual sex where I do it wearing shorts and a t-shirt? If so, then a non-obvious reason not to is if it is after six, in which case one should wear a tux.

  13. Ben Casnocha says:

    Yes I meant it to refer to sex outside of a formal relationship. Sex with a stranger, say.

  14. Vimal: I take the rather unpopular view that, for women, it’s a huge mistake to have casual sex with someone with whom you’d like a more serious, longterm relationship. As much as we may not wish it to be true, sex before monogamy seriously decreases the chances of getting to a committed relationship. It’s also more problematic for women because we are made to feel attached to someone once we’ve bonded with them sexually. A good rule of thumb is 90 days or cold light of day monogamy (not “Wait, we can have sex if I say we’re exclusive? Okay, we’re exclusive. Pass the condoms” style). Hugging and kissing and clothed fun is fine, but no nudity or sexual favors. Good guys who are interested will enjoy the build-up, as frustrating as they may find it at times. If they’re not interested enough to get to know you before getting intimate, they’re not worth getting involved with anyway.

    Casual sex with someone you want nothing more with is an entirely different matter. It can be emotionally dangerous in unpredictable ways, but usually quite enlightening without too much damage (if any).

  15. Karen says:

    One should wear a tux? DaveJ, love that!

    My two cents: I often feel that people forget how true #4 is. Ben, what did you mean by “#2 is the most original”? As in, the least number of people admit to it?

  16. Ben Casnocha says:

    The least obvious non-obvious. :)

  17. jan says:

    definitely

  18. twinkyofalla says:

    I am afraid that number 3 is somewhat alarming. Who wants to have STD’s? I guess none. If I don’t know her background then I have to skip and not do casual sex with that person.

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