On Being a Spectacle in Dalian

There are no western tourists here in Dalian. In fact, I have yet to come across any English speaking person other than that airline attendant who helped me in the airport and one other guy (more on him soon). Yes, this includes the non-English speaking hotel front desk and staff.

Because there are no western tourists or businesspeople as far as I can see, I’m assuming the locals here in Dalian — an urban city right across the way from Korea in NE China — don’t see many Caucasian, English speaking foreigners.

My basis for this opinion is I have become a goddamn spectacle anywhere I walk. You may think all this attention would be cool, but it’s extremely irritating.

At first I thought the restaurants were just overstaffed, which they probably are. Then I realized my sheer presence commanded a wait staff of 5 or 6 people who studied my every move.

For lunch I walked a couple blocks down the way from my hotel and resolved to find the McDonald’s or KFC that I saw on the taxi ride over here to try to make up for the "breakfast" the hotel served, which despite my meager appetite to my sickness, was thoroughly disgusting. Unable to find these beacons of sanitary, edible food, I did see one restaurant with an English sign: "BBQ". Aha! Once inside I was seated, handed a menu, I looked at four pictures of "meat" and, out of desperation, chose the fifth picture that seemed to look like nachos.

While waiting for the food to arrive, three — three! — waiters sat at the table next to me and just stared at me. Uncomfortable, I took out my China guidebook and pretended to read. Then one of the guys came and stood over my shoulder to look at what I was reading. WTF? I kept "reading" and fortunately he walked away. Then two other waitresses came over and kept looking at my plate as I ate it — which turned out to be corn paste — and then offered me a spoon to supplement my chopsticks. I used the spoon as a knife to cut the corn paste (sounds yummy, no?).

For dinner I went to the "Western restaurant" in the hotel. Not a single piece of Western food. I walked into the "restaurant" to find a confusing buffet style of options spread all over the place. Everyone in the restaurant started staring at me. About five staff people started surrounding me. One woman started following me, right behind me, with a notepad. WTF? Finally a young man dressed as a chef came up to me and explained, in English, how to work the restaurant. He’s probably the only person in the whole hotel to speak any English. He realized I didn’t have a clue what to eat so he said "you want this salad and some lamb?" I said yes. "Beer?" I said no, I wanted water. "No water." So I said orange juice, the closest watery substance I could think of.

I then was seated at a table and didn’t dare crack open the book I brought along with me, because I felt that would further insult the Chinese tradition of sharing a meal with others (dining solo, as I was doing, is rare). So I stared straight ahead, into a wall, afraid to turn my head and endure the curious, probably friendly but to menacing, glares of every waiter and chef and most patrons. The salad came to my table and was terrible. The "lamb" tasted like rubber and looked as processed as your favorite Hollywood star’s boobs. The orange juice boasted 1% orange, 99% urine.

I got up to pay my bill, creating another spectacle as my height always does. Six mis-communications later and the chef — who had been re-assigned from the kitchen to the Ben Casnocha Entourage — escorted me downstairs to help me use my credit card at the front desk. While they processed the card and he asked where I was from, I said San Francisco, and they all started giggling. A week ago I would have laughed with them, happy that California has such positive connotations abroad. Instead I focused on the status of the credit card swipe.

A few minutes later I escaped back to the safety of my hotel room, which is warm, wired, and ringing with endless honking horns and undrinkable water in the bathroom. Can’t wait to leave Dalian. And no, I didn’t take any pictures, why would I want to memorialize these past two days?

11 Responses to On Being a Spectacle in Dalian

  1. Alex says:

    did someone take a hammer and shatter each and every finger on your hands?

    Just tell them you play basketball in the NBA. Maybe they’ll beleive that.

  2. Austin says:

    i was getting worried there… you hadn’t posted in a while, i figured you either lost your computer or were kidnapped by american haters. glad you’re back in the blogosphere.

  3. Chris Yeh says:

    Outside of the major metropolitan areas, Westerners, especially ones of your size, are rare.

    When I visited Beijing with the guy I hired as CEO of my startup (a 6’4″ former basketball All-American) and our wives, we were trailed by amazed crowds wherever we went. This is especially true during “Golden Week” when the peasants from the provinces flock to the cities for holiday.

    Several entertaining tidbits:

    1) According to my wife, all the people believed that I was the party’s guide, and that my wife was the daughter of my CEO and his wife. And no, the ages would definitely not work out, but I guess when you’ve never seen a white devil before, it’s hard to tell how old one is.

    2) Tourists would crowd around and have pictures taken with the white devils, presumably to take back to the village as proof of the grand adventure. People staring at you while you read and eat–that’s nothing. Because Alisha (my wife) has curly hair, people were constantly touching her hair whenever her head was turned. She thinks some people might even have cut off a lock or two for a souvenir, while she wasn’t looking.

    3) As I mentioned in my last comment, if you’re not in Shanghai, I strongly urge you to get an English-speaking guide. Check with the government offices–in the cities at least, they’ll help provide honest guides, since it’s not in the government’s interest to have white devils turn up missing or go away with a bad experience. Note that the guides will make sure to direct you to the official government stores where you can spend your U.S. dollars, but these aren’t a bad place to shop, so this is a small price to pay.

  4. John says:

    Sounds pretty janks. what in gods name were u thinking when u decided to go to Dalian. hopefully Beijing will be better. See if you can get some hella cheap fake nike gear. supposedly its real cheap. one time!

  5. Lacey says:

    Man, I feel ya. China was one of the hardest and lonliest times of my life!! I was in a small town in Hunan– I normally do a pretty good job of blending in– but not when the only foreigner in the entire town!! My ipod and hooded jacket became my best friend!!

    But, in the end– it was a great experience and wonderful stories!! It is really great to see China first hand!!

    Good luck!
    lace

  6. Tim Taylor says:

    Ben,

    I’m sure it feels pretty lonely right now. I understand how you feel.

    All I know is at some point you’re going to be home and realize that you’re not there anymore…

  7. Pingback: Discount Hotel Room Uk

  8. get over it says:

    Typical, arrogant american. The world does not revolve around you and your customs. When in China, do as the Chinese.

  9. schaw says:

    Without knowing the country’s langugage , a visitor misses out on the vital parts of insights into its tradition. A hasty trip without even some knowledge of the tradition, or rather the slightest interest of getting to know it , is superficial. Extensive travelling does not necessarily enriches one a good deal.

  10. Paul says:

    Where in Dalian did you stay? The city has around 3,000 Westerners resident (0.1% of the total population) plus a couple thousand Russians, though far more Russians in the summer.

    Did you do any online research before going, like checking out daliandalian.com or dalianxpat.com ?

  11. Pingback: China Law Blog

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>