Yes, I’m settling in here in Claremont in my single room in an air conditioned dorm on campus. Freshman orientation activities — a whirlwind of social meet-and-greet — have concluded. They were largely well-run, though I think colleges could steal more from business conferences which try to facilitate networking — after all, social bonding is the goal of most of orientation, and there are ways to facilitate this beyond simple "two truths and a lie".
The most amusing and complex orientation session was about "life, sex, and relationships". Among other things, the session leaders presented a series of disturbing stats about sexual assault and rape on college campuses. The men in the room were made aware of our legal liability especially if alcohol is involved. The message came through loud and clear:
- "No" means no.
- "Yes" means no.
- "Maybe" means no.
- "Fuck me harder" means no.
In today’s Wall Street Journal ($), a recent Princeton grad reflects on what he calls "sexed-up sex ed" — his freshman orientation session that undermined "traditional values" and discussed about the serious issues of rape in the same sentence as games like "Sex Jeopardy". I don’t believe in traditional values, but it’s not something I observed in my own session anyways.
It’s clear, though, that sex and its associated discussions, rumors, and accusations are a big part of what American college life is about.
Is that Sex-Ed or is that Basic Civility 101? Either way, it is tragic that this has to be ‘taught’.
Ben,
This post had me laughing so hard.
As an RA we get the same beating of the information that was presented to you here at Boston College. It always seems like the girl has the upper hand when sex and alcohol is involved.
She may have consented under the influence, but then she can go to the police the next day and say “I think I was sexually assaulted…” Then they will go to the guy and start the prosecution process…
What can you do?
Keep posting. I love your content.
P.S. Why did you choose to have a single?
The best bet is to make any potential partner sign a release form first.
*****
I, ______________ (“Partner”), do hearby grant consent to Ben Casnocha (“Mclovin”) to engage in intimate relations with me. This consent covers any and all sexual activities deemed legal by the state of California, including but not limited to penile/vaginal penetration.
I represent that I am entering into this contract and granting informed consent, and I hereby represent that I am not intoxicated or mentally impaired, nor have I been subject to physical, emotional, or verbal pressure.
The effective date of this contract is __/__/____, and this contract shall remain in force solely for this date, and the following day.
____________
Partner
____________
Mclovin
*****
I also recommend videotaping the signing of the contract. If you want to keep videotaping afterwards, you’ll probably need a separate release form.
Ben,
Talk about a cold shower! What does “Oh, it’s so good” translate to?
Scott,
A contract signed under duress is still a contract. And on a separate note, how does the signing of a contract fit into the foreplay? I’m thinking of all sorts of bad legal puns, but I’ll stop myself. In the very likely event that your contract gets challenged, my advice would be to have a good attorney.
Anonymous poster,
Why not teach sex? I think the number one problem with sex ed is that it isn’t taught well at all. It’s lectured. I want a how-to.
If the college really wanted to curb alcohol related assaults, they should think up such creative slogans as “don’t drink and screw.” They ought also explain the term “Coyote Ugly” and show slides of really drunk men having sex with very fat girls. That’d scare me straight.
Charles,
I didn’t write the document…Chris Yeh did.
Scott
I went to college Back In The Day when such subjects weren’t addressed during orientation. Not that they didn’t happen, it’s just that orientation was about what our parents were paying tuition for: academics and things related to that.
To further support Chris:
“Consent” by Tate USA
Ben,
Hilarious. I quoted you to my friend from an all girl school in Boston. She laughed but disagreed when it came to her school:
“Here no means yes, yes means yes, maybe means yes and fuck me harder means if you don’t fuck me harder I will kick you out to be chased by campus police naked.”
Good luck having fun(/ staying out of legal trouble).
-Breck
Tyler– that video was hilarious as well.