I’ve never seen the SNL skit where Darrell Hammond is Dan Rather as he makes predictions over which broadcasters have anthrax…I’ve only seen my brother do it, which is often good enough.
I just came across the transcript for the episode and it made me laugh all over again. It starts off:
At this hour, officials of the Center For Disease Control are confirming the presence of anthrax spores at three new locations: my desk here at CBS Nightly News, my basement weight room, and my breakfast nook. Right now, individuals known to have worked at or visited these locations are being tested for anthrax, and at the moment we have any details we’ll pass them along to you.
Hold on. [ presses earpiece ] Alright. This just in. CBS News now comfirming that I.. have.. anthrax. Now, as you can imagine, this comes as a major disappointment to me personally. And, I don’t mind telling you that I’m madder than a rained-on rooster about it. But listen, let’s make one thing clear from the get-go – anthrax or no anthrax, I’m gonna stay right here to bring you any new developments as soon as we get them.
And here’s one now. CBS News is now projecting that over at NBC News, Tim Russert.. has.. anthrax. He may not know it yet, and he may be feeling as strong as an acre of garlic. But, nonetheless, CBS News is confident that when all the test results are in, Tim Russert will have anthrax.
And, here’s another. Over at ABC News, CBS now projects that Ted Koppel and Peter Jennings both have anthrax. Ted Koppel, inflammational; Peter Jennings, geltaneous.